John Walden isnt your ordarnary teenager. You can tell by looking at his room. Classical music CD's on an endless shelf and dusty textbooks in the corner.
At the age of 16 John has not reached his full capacity. He has gotten many honor awards and has been reconized across the country for his trumpet playing and paino compisitions. For him it doesnt end there.
The "full capacity" part needs to be clarified But really pulling lead (:
ReplyDelete~Jiyoon
I think this is really good! Just a suggestion, but I think that you might want to reword the sentence "At the age of 16 John has not reached his full capacity," because it sounds a little as if he's a slacker or something. I think that you could always put it after the sentence about all his awards though, because then it sounds better and instead of the word capacity you could use the word potential.
ReplyDelete-Audrey
I would say combine the first two sentences somehow, instead of having "John Walden isnt your ordarnary teenager. You can tell by looking at his room." Other than that, I'd say you're good. C=
ReplyDelete~SkyeBlue
misspelled piano, c'mon you're a music magazine, a little sloppy but a good start
ReplyDelete